Being Free to Be Yourself

Do you ever just feel like a hot mess? I know I do. But that's okay, because everyone knows that I'm a mess and honestly? I flaunt that. It's okay to be a mess, if that is who you are. But what isn't okay is pretending to be something or someone that you are not, because the people in which you surround yourself cause you to feel like you need to change for them.

Recently, I realized that I'm on a life path that is a lot better than I thought it was (I was being made to feel like I was on the totally wrong path). Do you ever have that happen to you? You feel like you don't even know if you're on the right path, but when you take a step back and think about it, you realize that this is the right path for you (screw whatever the haters are saying). I've been told extremely hurtful things in my life by people who are really important to me, and I've noticed that I hold on to things that I shouldn't. So I wanted this post to not only be about embracing who I am but who you, dear reader, might be as well.

I'm a very spiritual person. But I'm not spiritual in the traditional sense, like many think I might be or want me to be. I'm pretty bad at going to church, not because I don't want to, but because sometimes there are things that I have going on that keep me from going (like severe endometriosis or PCOS pain, major anxiety and depression, and college). But despite what some people might think, I have never lost my spirituality and I have realized that I don't always have to go to church in order to feel or express that sense of spirituality. I have found my hope and my peace in so many other things, such as the world around me and all the magic that it has to offer.

Another thing about me that you may or may not know, is that I have tattoos. Yes, plural, which many think is against the religion that I identify with (fun fact, it's not). I grew up in a household that told me in was wrong to put something so "permanent and ugly" on my body, but I always secretly thought the opposite. So, when I was out of high school, and a year or two into college, I finally got one. My husband was actually deployed during this time, and let's just say he came home to four new adornments on my temple (my body).

The first one I got was actually his nickname for me: "Gorgeous". The second, a blooming lotus flower. The third was one of the most important ones to me, on my thigh covering old self-harm scars that I have kept secret for a long time: "What's Left of My Heart is Made of Gold" accompanied by the Fire-Rose-Unity symbol that represents sexual assault survivors. The saying is from Kesha's song "Rainbow"and if you have never heard of the symbol, I suggest you read up on it! It's meaning is beautiful and magical. The fourth one I got while my husband was deployed, was a spaceship. Yes, a spaceship! But this was also one of the most meaningful tattoo's that I have ever gotten, because of it's meaning. This was also a tribute to another one of Kesha's songs, "Spaceship".

Recently, I got my fifth tattoo, which has been really important to me these days: it's the "inner peace" symbol, to remind me that no one's opinions on me matter as long as I maintain the inner peace inside of me that my soul so desperately needs.

So there you go, sharing all of that is me baring a lot of myself to the world and my readers, who I know might not all understand why I do the things that I do; including those that I love so very dearly. I have kept myself hidden for such a very long time, that it has exhausted myself to an extreme. Besides, no one should ever feel like they have to hide their true selves from those that they love.

I would like to end this post with a few words of encouragement to my readers: if you find that you are being someone you are not around certain, specific people, take a step back and ask yourself the following...

1. Are these individuals benefiting my life and supporting me in a way that I need?

2. Do they bring more love than hate into my life?

3. Am I able to be my full true self and openly speak my truth around them?

If you answered no to any of these questions, then maybe you would benefit to readdress your relationships with those individuals. No one should be forced or feel like they have to be someone they are not around people they love or people who are important to them.

You should be free to be yourself.

Always.

Don't forget to love yourself, and find the light in the life you are living. Never let anyone dull your shine.

Love,

Mell W.