In a Rut?....Same

Not going to lie, I’ve been in a little bit of a rut lately! Sometimes that just happens, and I think that’s when self care is the most crucial. But I’ll be honest, I’ve lacked in that as well. Which, is fine, I guess. This is all a learning experience for me, and maybe it is for you as well, reader. So I sat here, staring at an empty screen, trying to figure out what a good topic for this post would be, and I thought I could talk about what support is.

What does support look like to you? Is it a support group? Family? A spouse? A single friend or a group of them? And what about those people make them supportive? Are you someone who doesn’t know how to support a friend or family member who is struggling with something regarding mental health, fertility issues, financial struggles, declining health, etc. and are just looking for a way to be there for them?

Well, here are a few ways that we can be supportive, and then a few of ways we can find support:

We Can Be Supportive to family/friends who are struggling right now by:

~Listening, without thinking about a response. Sometimes when we are listening to someone, you can get caught up in your mind thinking about what you are going to say next, and then you don’t really hear what that person is saying.

~Do a small act of kindness, one that comes from the heart. It doesn’t have to be anything major or grand. If it’s your spouse who is struggling, and they just haven’t gotten something done or they might seem a little overwhelmed, do something out of the ordinary. For example, sometimes when I am just in a negative space and find myself getting behind in school and trying to get caught up, my husband will do some of the dishes or he will do the laundry for me. It’s the small things that count. Seriously.

~Hold your judgement for someone who wants it, meaning no one. No one wants to hear how you think they should have done something a different way, or “If I were you, I’d…” they aren’t you. Unless they ask specifically for advice regarding a situation, just be there for them through the outcomes of their decisions, the remnants of painful emotions, and the hurt they might be feeling but not really ready to let go of.

We Can Find Support by:

~Looking for local or online communities that might be going through what you are going through. For example, while I was undergoing fertility treatments and a lot of doctor-related things, I found an online community on Facebook that was a group of women and some spouses who were dealing with exactly what I was dealing with (fertility, endometriosis, PCOS, vulvodynia, etc.) and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. Although I had family and friends around me, they just didn’t truly know what I was dealing with, which was a little hard for me and it might be for you as well. But I never held that against them, because you don’t really know what someone is going through until you are in their shoes and walk their individualized path in life. Another group I joined was a group of couples who were childless by circumstance, not by choice, and I joined them when I had my hysterectomy, because I was having a hard time finding a community that wasn’t bearing-children oriented. Communities that are like that are very helpful and have a lot of resources, which I wouldn’t have known about unless I had joined them!

~Therapy, therapy, THERAPY. There is such a negative stigma regarding therapy, because people think if you are going to therapy then you are “sick” or “crazy”. WRONG. Therapy is so beneficial, and has so many great aspects, I could go on and on...but I think I’d like to save that for a different post.

Although I only named a few main points for both sides, I think it’s a pretty decent start for those who are only starting to find support or are trying to be that support. It’s not something to be overwhelmed about, and there is a lot of information that you can find when you are ready for more. Just remember, take it one step at a time. And be patient.

Anyways, I’m going to crawl back in my rut for a little while longer, which is totally okay to do as long as I am attempting at some form of self care. Tonight, it’s spending time with my husband, our two cute dogs (Maurice and Moose), and our new kitten Salem. I hope you readers are doing well, and if you are in a rut just remember: attempt at some form of self care. Let my self care journey, be your light even in your darkest ruts.

Mell W.