Self Care IS NOT Selfish

I feel like my last post was really preachy and research-y....so I decided to really focus on what self care could be and more of why exactly I started this journey.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been busy. Whether it was with school, or work, family, or my social life. I’ve always just been busy. But I can’t really complain because I did this to myself. I kept busy to cover up a lot of things that I was (still am) dealing with, and I put up this facade that I was doing great and pushing forward. In the meantime, I wasn’t doing great and I was being held back by a lot of baggage. So much baggage, we’re talking like if I loaded it all into a plane, the damn plane wouldn’t be able to take off.

I just kept going, and I never really stopped. I knew I was supposed to be taking care of someone, but I didn’t know that someone was supposed to be me. I focused my energy on being there and supporting others, while I struggled to stay afloat in my own mind. And that was a huge problem.

As you’re reading this, if there is one thing you take away from my rant please let it be this: SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH.

There are many people, including myself, who have grown up in a culture that is very service-based. They might believe that we show our love for maybe something like a religions figure, by giving our time and serving others. Another belief might be if we serve others, we will be granted many blessings in life. Please know that I do not disagree or feel that any of these beliefs are wrong—service is amazing. I absolutely love humanitarian work, it’s a major part of my social science degree. But a point I would like to make, is that many women (and men) get so caught up in trying to serve others and take care of their neighbors or families and friends, that they forget to take care of themselves. I’ve been there. And we cannot serve others if we aren’t serving ourselves—just like we can’t take care of another person, if we aren’t taking care of ourselves first.

So here are a few ideas for self care that I’ve come across, after a little (you guessed it) research.

~Unplug from social media or texting (electronics in general) for a good 15 minutes or so. Yes, I know you’re reading this on your phone most likely, or maybe on your work laptop. And that’s fine, because that’s where you read blogs. But setting aside, even a scheduled amount of time to just unplug, is beneficial for you and relationships you might have. If you’re in a relationship, take this time to have a conversation with your partner without phones being a constant interruption. If it’s just you, maybe write in a journal or read a book without feeling like you have to reply to texts or stay up-to-date with whatever social media app you are addicted to.

~If you play an instrument, and enjoy it, take some time to just sit/stand and play for yourself. Don’t practice a piece you’ve been needing to work on. Play something that YOU love.

~Call in to work and take a mental health day. If you don’t feel comfortable telling your boss that you need a “mental health day”, play sick or make up a reason. But don’t skip out on work if you know you’ll be missing important meetings or you’ll have a major load of work to catch up on the next day. That will just make the next day worse.

~Create a relaxing evening/afternoon/morning ritual that is modified just for YOU. This is meant to be relaxing, and helping you find the inner peace you need. It can be any time of day, and anything that you need it to be. So if it’s a glass of wine with a good book before bed, so be it. If it’s reading religious doctrine every night, then there you go. If it’s yoga in the afternoon, and tea in the morning (my personal favorite) then go for it. Come up with something simple, that can be done without major prepping or stressing.

~My mom use to have this small plaque hanging in her office years ago that said “Do one thing today that makes you happy”, and I feel that is something that a lot of people forget to do. Life isn’t supposed to be us going day by day miserable and unhappy, there should be good and happiness. And you can start finding the good by doing one thing a day that truly makes you happy. For me, it was taking a walk with my husband and our two dogs through our new neighborhood, looking at the beautiful fall leaves and talking about our day without interruption.

~If you need a good cry, then cry. Never forget that it is okay to feel your feelings. It’s important that we do. And if part of feeling our feelings means that we wrap up in a blanket and cry it out, then that’s okay.

~Cut toxic people from your life. I will admit, this is something I continue to struggle with every day. I’ve been told multiple times by mental health professionals that it isn’t selfish or mean to cut someone out of your life, if they’re toxic and causing you more harm (emotional, physical, or mental) than good. I’ll admit, I haven’t gotten to a place where I’m confident enough to fully do this, but the little I have done? I’ve noticed a major difference in my just my attitude and outlook on life.

~See a therapist! Or a psychiatrist! Or both! There is this ugly stigma regarding mental health, and I believe part of my purpose in life is to help change and end that negative stigma. Mental health is a beautifully, complex work of art that needs constant attention and care (hence self care!). You are not weak if you seek out mental health guidance, you are not sick if you are diagnosed with a mental health disorder, you are not a failure, you are not weird, but most importantly you are not alone.

There are so many different ways to practice self care, and so many different types of self care that I could go on and on. And I will, in future posts. But thank you for taking time out of your day to read, and I hope you continue on this journey with me.

Self care is not selfish, and I hope you find the light of self care that I am starting to see.

Mell W.